So I broke up with Gera, who I had been dating for almost a year. I let him borrow The Power of Myth, and gave him a grapefruit on his way out the door. We talked as long as we needed to before it was apparent he was supposed to leave, "I'm afraid," He said. We agreed that we should work on ourselves for a while, and then talk. I don't want to feel like he's waiting for my call; I want him to get going on his health care and school schedule and apply for scholarships. He needs to help his brother get back into school. We can maybe reevaluate what's realistic for our future once we have some time.

For the first time in almost six years, I didn't invite another boy over after my break up. Since I graduated high school I've been in a relationship: from Michael to Edo to Gera. Gera and I would have been dating a year next month, but the thought frightened me; I've had no real alone time at all since I literally became a legal adult. It's time to do things for myself. I'm so tired of depending on a man to reaffirm that I'm an interesting person. I know that I'm loveable and capable of getting into another such relationship in the future. Maybe it's with Gera--I just need time.

Want:

Glasses
Fix old, beat-up shoes
An Eyelash curler
Hot Wax
Printer Ink
Benetint
California Kissin
To whiten my teeth (graduation present?)
Pretty undies
Red Hots lessions

I have some ideas for my room: I've decided to really try and get rid of some clothes; not just the stuff I don't think looks good on me, but the cute stuff I never wear, too. To be honest I feel like my karma will be a whole lot better if I just let the damn things go...then I'll have much more room in my place and a few essential but beautiful pieces I can easily wash and wear all the time until they fall apart. The end.

Next on the agenda is to purchase a chest of drawers so I can organize my stuff (i.e. towels, shirts, shorts, pants, undies, etc.) because I'm unhappy with how I forget or can't get to my things. I like to have a mental map of what I've got in storage, I suppose. Does that make me o.c.d.?

I jumped rope for thirty minutes today! I also biked a little to the beach with Gera and my mom as well, and biked all day yesterday. It's been a pretty active weekend - I can't complain. Now to organize the rest of my life...

In conclusion, I wrote my ex-boyfriend Edo a letter recently that I didn't intend to send him at first. It actually made me cry while I wrote it. In the end I decided to give it to him via e-mail because it seemed to conclude my reasoning in leaving him on such short notice and so drastically. To be honest, I've chosen not to address those feelings because I really needed to get the hell out of there. Edo wasn't a bad person, he just wasn't right for me at that time. Although I miss him to some degree, we're better off without each other at this point. He sent me a text thanking me for me e-mail, and I asked him if he wanted to talk about it, but he said he thought we were "good were we [stood]," which makes sense. Apparently he has a new girlfriend and things are moving along for him.

I've talked to Gera about my feelings of needing to take care of myself, but we're taking it slow. I still enjoy hanging out, but he's a very understanding person and realizes that I may need time to myself inevitably. This only makes me want to keep him around more. Anyway, I finally put up the painting on my wall regardless of the fact my landlord doesn't want us to tack things on the wall but...if I plan on sticking around then fuck it. I can fill that little hole with some plaster and she hopefully won't notice.

I made about forty ounces of smoothie today which combined spinach, apple sauce, oranges, almond milk, and kiwis. Delicious. I needed to eat all that food anyway so I can visit the grocery store and buy more healthy food. While I haven't been making an effort to go to the gym lately, I've still maintained a lower weight because of my improved eating habits. Hooray!

Those who may still occasionally glance at this blog already know what's been going on with me, so rather than going on about it again, I'll start from where I'm at now. I've moved into my new place, a little shoebox to myself with three other roommates. My roommates are really easy to get along with, and we all seem to have different schedules so we don't get in way of each other or anything. I share my bathroom with a boy, who's clean, and Elnaz who's from Iran, cooks really amazing food. Maggie is a Berkeley student and I rarely see her - probably as rarely as my roomies see me. I've got my own little safe haven in my room. The landlord comes to clean twice a week which is a little odd, but hey..

I started school as well, and I like all my classes - I'm pretty excited about my nutrition class since I've already learned something about my eating habits just the first day - maybe this will help me to transform my diet and accomplish my fitness goals as a result. San Francisco history seems interesting as well as my two art and writing classes (they're both humanities, so they require a lot of writing and in-depth look at art process and history). I'm excited to produce a little art, finally! We've started a portfolio to put our work and research into.

Lately I've been zoning out on the computer, looking at lingerie, models and art. I've also been working often enough, so I went ahead and bought myself a bunch of groceries from Trader Joes (oh and some shoes). Once I stop working so much (starting now) I qualify for food stamps and I think I might take them so I'm comfortable, especially because they're cutting hours at my job. That's all for now!

Ok, wow I haven't updated in a good while. I'm almost done with this semester, and am officially on Thanksgiving break. Edo is out of town so I have the apartment alllll to myself! This means lots of gym time, work at La Boulange, time with friends tomorrow, long baths, some homework, a trip to the San Andreas Fault and maybe just a tinge of loneliness when I go to bed by myself :)

I'm excited to start my next project for Art In Technology - it's going to be a short graphic novel. I'll maybe post some pictures up! As for tonight, after work I think I'll head home, turn the heater on and do some reading or watch a movie. I also have some hot chocolate makings and sorbet...hmm.

I've got to run, working at twelve! This means I get to bring treats home, oh dear, ha.

We're having a house warming party tomorrow night with some friends - mine will be showing a little later because of work and what not. Our house is feeling more and more like an actual home :) I'll post some new pictures eventually.

I'm also coming down to San Luis this weekend to visit and grab some of my things.

Just a brief entry, but I wanted to update at least once in a while.